Happy New Year 2007!

before i start, let me just say that this is a really long post. and all the photos posted here were taken on New Year's Eve. Sorry i didn't take much with the rest of you, i forgot my goddamn memory cards!! so, internal memory only allow like 10,15. argh.

(Listening to "Speed Of Sound" by Coldplay.)

To everyone i know, i love, i miss and the ones i just met,

happy new year 2007!

Wish u all the best in everything u do.

to close up my year 2006,

i'd like to say, this year, not the best i ever had. I went through a lot and i learnt that living in a strange place could feel really bitter. surprised that i didn't feel that last year when i first came to Melbourne, Australia.

dinner at Paddington House of Pancake at the Curve.

i have to say, there's a great deal in me which i thought have matured. from last year, i thought i have grown up. but deep down, now i realised, how selfish i have been and how i have not grown. inside, i'm still one who wants to be pampered, cares only about myself, cares only about wanting what i want and not lifting a finger for others who care most for me, ones who matter to me the moment i was born and definitely till the moment i draw my last breath. especially, back here, in Malaysia, my home. back down under, i would always tell myself, "when i get back, i'd make up for lost time with my mother, my father, my brother, especially my mother, not forgetting bie as well." but when i get back, i care more about going out with friends and my bie.

cheese sausage with pancake stacks and hashbrown.

it truly hit me when i was telling my mother that i was going out yesterday in the evening. she was busy preparing for the party my dad hosted in the house for the big New Year's Eve occasion. she looked so.. .. (i don't know how to describe it, disappointed? sad? speechless? lost?) . i felt humiliated and disgusted with myself that i have once again disappointed her as her daughter. Bie was already waiting outside my house. thank god her sisters were all there to help her out.

Grilled lamb with pancakes and mash potatoes.

it's not that i have not spent time at all with her and it's not that i go out all the time. it's just that when i'm at home, i'd always sleep till late afternoon that my mom has already done all her chores of the day. and the rest of the day is reserved for cooking for the workers and guests who have come to work/visit the new house. Yes, i have moved to a land far far away from where i used to stay. The Mines. lots of work that's needed to be done. i would help her in the evening. just to cook. and only for a while. being so undecisive. i'd always blame melvin for bringing me out when it should be myself to blame. i'm so sorry bie for what happened yesterday. you have been really understanding and if u'd have your way, u'd want to see me everyday. but u were careful enough to not take up all my time and thought for me and my family and friends. u were considerate and because of me, u had to suffer for it. i'm sorry.

blurred picture of Melvin's friends (ChuiMun, PohYee and Jon.)

"who call me to not help out as much as i can when i have the chance but regret the time and moments i didn't when i'm out?? How am i to enjoy life like that?" that's one new year's resolution i'm making.

Never do something that's doubtful to you.
Never do something halfway.
Take the chance and do the right thing at the right time.
When you are doing something, make sure u enjoy it/do it to the fullest.

acting cool.

to sum up my year:
The first half of the year was great, the first semester, i had loads of encouragement and love from my tutors, my family, my friends. i met lots of new friends and i had fun. the second semester though, i had to endure the unfamiliarity of having to be in a class full of people not of my nation and race. i was put in a class where i was lost, confused, and a recluse.

however, people i stay close with gave me all the encouragements i needed. my roomies, loris and michelle. There's also one far far away, my bie. plus a few friends i would call up occasionally for help and some release of stress. surely they'd hear me complain about absolutely anything in the world. then one pointed out saying, it's like "everything is everyone else's fault." that hit me and i learnt my big mistake and will take life differently. Life is never good enough if u keep complaining. if you don't do something about it, who would? it's your life. i want to be happy. i want to live life to the fullest, with no regrets. i should make the most of my time. i should enjoy the time i have, at the place i'm at. No matter who i'm spending it with.

Results these year were not as great as before. but it's still beats failing. hehe. guess it could be great if it weren't for the prolonged procrastination habits which are still a big part of me. second resolution,

No Procrastination. Just DO IT.

Finally, a nice Big Smile.

I want to thank all my friends and family and loved ones who have been so kind to me. To SuYen, MeiWen, Tammy and BeeLi(who i have only met once since i came back) Thank you so much for being there for me when i have problems or even when just spending time together. i really feel very close to you, enjoy everymoment with you and there's no same feeling i would have with anyone else of course, except with my bie, my family and the other two roomies back home. We'd always have that "girl bond", ey?

Mei Wen and i.

To my roomies in australia,

Loris,
This i couldn't have owed u my gratitude enough. thank you so much for all your wisdom and opnions and advice whenever i ask for them. Yes, we do argue about things but after that, u'd always confront/approach me and talk it through. That is something i would always try to avoid, but then we both do grow even more from that. and yes, u seem more like my mother than my friend. sometimes, u do make me think twice about things i would do because i knew u would ask questions about why i did that. although i find them taxing, i know that u asked because u care. and because of that, it has made me more appreciative for you and not forgetting being more aware of my surroundings than i ever would have if i hadn't lived with u. u and ur big heart where u'll always offer me help WHENEVER u see me busy and u were free. u would sacrifice ur tv time for me. thank you so mucH!! remember when i told u that i admired u because of the way u think and the way u stand up for your opinions? i learnt from you that everyone has different opinions, though our opinions clash, you thought me to stand up for what i believe in. Thank u very much! I Love You, Loris. Thanks for helping me grow into the person i am today. i know i'd always have ur back the way u'll have mine. Looking forward to living together again next year. More Ups and Downs. haha.

(writing so much.. now listening to "Loving you is easy caue you're beautiful" by minnie riperton.)

Charlie and i.

Michelle,
I know that all these years of friendship between us have been full of twists and turns. we end up in fights. we end up in arguements. sometimes we don't talk. sometimes we don't mix very well. we have different personality that don't click. sometimes there's misunderstandings from the smallest things. u curse to express where as i get annoyed by that. but one thing i know for sure, u'll always have an impact on me. u might think that things u say don't matter to me. they do (if not, ask melvin). u were very encouraging to me in australia and even when i'm back in Malaysia with the erm.. problem with Melvin, with family. you'll know what i mean. i have fun back in Australia with u and loris. wrestling. slapping. hitting. playing. pushing. carrying. when i think bout me crying when i lose or kena bully, i feel so stupid now. haha. but please, don't be too harsh on me.. softer.. cause i can't take it. ;) Lame as it might be, the miss incredible hulk. i appreciate it when u call me to talk about problems. i know i suck in giving advice or consolement, but as long as i'm there trying, right? and i have not properly apologised to u about the form 4 incident where i turned my back on you. i'm sorry for that. i am really ashamed of myself. I hope i'll be able to make up for it. After that long night of confrontations, i know why u do the things u do and why u are the way u are. I'll never judge you again. I Love You, Mich. The thing bout the outing, i hope u understand. u're moving next year, friends forever kay?? muaks.

Jia Hau and i.

To My Bie,
What can i say about this year to you? i think i can say that you know about almost everything in my life. and you are definitely there for me whenever i need and i want you. hehe. i know i'm an insecure, and sensitive and annoyingly possessive girlfriend, but i know you like me being like that, so, haha, we're the perfect pair!! we have begun fighting the way normal couple fights. sorry for being jakun but that's so coool! haha.. up till now, i'm still wondering who's the sweeter one in this relationship. hmmm, let's see, the one who flew back from australia to see the other half, or the one who bake cookies again and again for the other half, or the one who do errands for the other half's mother again and again, or the one who waits so long for the other half when going out all the time or the one who have to cut his social meetings short so that he could fetch his other half home early cause she has a curfew, or the one who would never drive above 100km/hr because the other half doesn't like it, or.. ok, the sweeter one's you. ;) honestly, when i start thinking about u and me, i can't believe that you can take me complaining just about anything all the time! i know i think a lot. and i talk about those really small things with you. every little single detail. i'll talk about anything with you. that's why sometimes i end up hurting you cause there's no filter. i talk about absolutely anything. one thing about this long distance relationship lasting so long, i think it's because we talk a lot. and i love talking to you. and i know u love talking to me. damn, i love u. i gotta thank technology for letting us do that. i love your patience and tolerance and dedication. i know i piss you off a lot. (really, i do) and u could take all that shit. i really really love you!! thanks, mich, for introducing him to me! i'll never forget the day we met!! muaks bie! hey, we gotta cook together more often!

Bie and i.

Last but not least, My Family.

My mother, erge, my father and younger brother.
when there is no one else to lean on, your family will ALWAYS have your back, true? i think so.

My mother, hearing her voice on the other end of the line is always something i look forward to hear. though hearing my dad's just makes me feel pressured cause it's always about exams, presentations, studies and never forgetting, the new house. haha. My mom gives me much needed encouragement and i hope i give her the amounts she needs.
i love u, mommy!
hugging u at night and telling u that, when u give it back, it's worth more than anything in the world.

Erge. Erge, hehe, the brother i see every weekend now that we stay not as near as before and enjoy our very own mini-"family" movie session. haha. He's there to listen to my problems, to accompany me go places, he thinks bout me when he goes to Phillip Island, bought me a penguin!! ehehe.. and help me do my work, with a lot of begging and asking and begging. haha, the "beautiful" brother i have. honest with me, thinks i'm an egoistic maniac. but hey, i love u just the same ok? love me too. :P thanks for being there for me, too! when i had no one to turn to in Australia. At least i have u there. thank you. happy new year!

Chen Sern, my youngest brother. i like spending time with u when u're alone. really. cause u tend to turn less friendly when someone else is there. love you, boy!

Dad. My inspirational figure. thank you for making the big big house work! i love u dad! and i know u care for me, will try to worry u less, kay? To both my parents, sorry if i disappoint you. here's another resolution,

Be a Good, Useful, Loving Daughter.

(Now playing Melvin's fav song, "all my life" by k-ci and jo-jo)

Weng Keong, Goh, Benjy, Weng Kin, Charlie, Eve, Jin, Fannie, Arlene, and Lutfi and all the new people i've met and come to know better this year, happy new year! and hope to know you guys even better in years to come!! Thanks for being my friends and making my life even more enjoyable, interesting and fun!

Me, Ex Bestarians and Friends.

Wow i think this is the longest post yet. another one of my new year's resolution :

To pick up on Reading.

so recommendations anyone? i've got "My Sister's Keeper" by Jodi Picoult at the moment. Recommended by Melvin cause his petsis kept on talking bout it. hehe, let's see what it's about. So, any recommendation by anyone is welcomed!

Happy new year once agaiN!

(ending with "Walking After You" by Foo Fighters..)

i cannot be without you,

matter of fact..

i'm on your back..

if you walk out on me..

i'm walking after you..