Who am I?
one minute i was so confident of myself. and the other?
i was disappointed of what i've become. Not original. Not Myself. How did i bring myself to this stage? I thought i was doing myself a favour. taking after what i admire over others. what's good about them, i take. i follow only la.
After a while, i notice, for what?
am i such a bad judge of good/bad behaviour that i can't tell? What have i been following all this while? Who am I? Is this what i really want for myself? Someone who takes after others? I know i don't entirely. Just this one aspect of my life, i did.
i always tell others, be whatever u want to be as long as u think it's right for u. Do i do that? or did i do what they think is right? i don't know. i know i was being me. but now, i'm really doubting myself. What's happeninG????
People Change. They all do. You know that and i know that. Reality hurts, and I just never realized that truth till it hit me on the head leaving a big bump. A bump i'll never forget and never want to get again. When they do change that one big quality in them which i thought was so admirable and have come to practice, i started questioning myself. Why do i feel like changing too? But didn't it work?Didn't it? Why did they change their perception/opinion of which they stood their ground so hard for once upon a time in their life? Is it not working for them? I feel like a big fool now.
Why do i bring myself to worry over other's troubles and problems when really it should be mine i should worry about? Why should i look at how others deal with their problems when i should really focus more on how i can deal with them? To me, i feel that people who follow others have not found enough strength in them to speak up. Not confident enough to be the first to say "No", or "Yes". They taught me how. They showed me how. They're backing out now? It's not their fault.
I've always been happy with myself. especially since i came back to Aus, enjoying life and doing what i think is right. Yet, at the drop of the hat.. things went the other way round.
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I got so agitated and irritated as well when people frequently change their thoughts and opinions. Random, indecisive, so unexpected. If that's how u choose to be, i'd rather u just keep them to yourself. All you do is confuse me further. Words which u spoke once which got through to me, which once meant something to me, doesn't mean anything at all now. You did guide me to become a better person, but the foundation of that turn into rubble when u turn back on ur words, on ur ways.. It's not your fault, it's mine.
Now, i feel : We must be ourselves. We mustn't follow others. We mustn't get influenced. I'm not saying i'm not myself. But do not follow others unless u're certain that's the right step for u. Otherwise, the only fool who suffers would be you..
Be proud of who u are.
Do Not Hide Behind Others.
Guess the only one person i truly admire now on life is my Mother.
Friends change. Lovers change. Only Family Remains.
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Anyways, lately been exploring Bars around Melbourne. Been to 3. One experience of which i do not wish to recall ever again, scary lar.. don't blame me k... There was also another dinner at Shoya again. Apparently, Lutfi's new favourite place. It was a farewell dinner for Kio, Jin's highschool friend who's returning to Korea for good. It's kinda funny, as it was My first and Last time meeting him. :) Sorry for being late!
Before that, we went to play badminton at MSAC. also a good opportunity for me to practice before playing with the RMIT Badminton club members the next few days. God, my thighs were aching the next few days! Lutfi was making me run here and there. He apologised later. for doing it on purpose. -_- Thanks Michelle for inspiring me to play sports again! hehe.. and thanks Willie for being a great and friendly VP! U've earned urself a new member! haha.
you know, with this group of friends, i truly feel like i'm amongst business associates or managers (judging by their way of clothing. don't u think?) they're always dressed in blacK!!! if not always, most of the time then! Peer pressure! hehe. and omg, Jin can look so scary if he wants to.. (shivers down my spine..)
We went back to Lutfi's place and played some PS2 games. They're such a bunch of goody-two-shoes. Being with them never makes me feel quilty. Unless of course, expensive dinnerS! ;) oh yeah, i learnt to play soccer! but i still suck. wuwu..
now, to Bars. First one i went to is Charlie's Bar on Hardware Lane.
It's very interesting, this lane. All the italian/western restaurants are lined up on this street and there're tables outdoors. The jazz music played live by musicians along the street clash also with live bands in the restaurants itself. the cool winds of April in Melbourne.. The candles lit on the tables.. with canvases above to block out rain if any.. The environment felt so west!
We did not actually plan to go to Bars. But this waiter who's restaurant which has a bar downstairs says tht there'll be free champagne for another 15 minutes in the bar and suggested us to go there first before having our dinner. we thought, hey, Free champagne! hehe.. let's! there was just me, Fannie and Jin. Lutfi was in Sydney.
This couple never fail to make pictures look any less romantic. grrr! You can see how the setting of the bar is in the pictures. Very Red?
By the way, i saw my tutor there as i was walking out of the toilet. He didn't see me, so, there won't be awkwardness. :) and as i was looking at my tutor, i accidentally bumped into an Aussie, i think around mid-thirties. I apologised and he said this ," Oh, u can trip on me anytime! (handing me his hand to let me up.)" i went, "omggggggg.. -_-" ..
The other bar i went to a few days after that was with Loris, Goh, Jureen and Benjy. This one's called Golden Monkey Bar. This one's more oriental. It's something different from other places.
It was here where i learnt my current favourite drink. Mohito. ( i think that's how it's spelt) i love it! a random shot of Goh downthere. XD
i came here a few days later with my arch foundation girl classmates. Arlene, Martha, Fannie and I. a Girl's night out.
The last bar, i don't really know its name. All i know is that it's located at the back of the cafe beside RMIT building No 8. haha.. A dodgy place really.. Horrible Music.. But all's good.. i guess. Thanks for having me and fannie there, How Keat. Quite an unforgettable Experience. ;)
hmmm, that's how i spent most of my Easter Holiday. see ya sooN!
Remember, u are the key to my heart..
hehehe..
Interesting Fact : Rich people have it easy. Donald Trump can make money by just talking. How? He has his own ringtones. and they're just voice clips of him, T-A-L-K-I-N-G!! .. damn. saw it on tv today. i can't believe it.
and ouh yeah, my camera's broken at the moment. so u might expect less pictures in my next few posts.
see ya then!
